Headache

Eucalyptus scented mopping is making my head hurt.

Not as painful as the 9:30 - 12:30 Japanese class I skipped this morning.

Pffft

Sigh-DESIRE-Sigh

You know that feeling that gets less frequent as the years pass?

The feeling that makes you tingle and think "OH god what are you doing?! I want to be with you"

You get distracted from your daily life.

Everything starts relating to the one that makes you feel like this.

You notice the amount of people with that name.

You notice things that person says popping up all around you, like they are writing your story and you are walking through it unknowingly. Of course they aren't BUT sometimes you feel that way.

Then you start thinking about fate and all related bullshit romance. Then you think and think and you see the mortality of the romance before it begins.

Well why is that?

for obvious reasons.

The one time in almost a year I find someone I want and who I assume wants me and it is impossible. Oh well.

Times like this all we can say is FML

Uh oh

Hmm so I'm lacking motivation this semester at uni and surprise surprise it's reflected in my grades.
Oh well I'm not failing. But still, it isn't my best.
Makes my stomach knot.

Sometimes

Sometimes I really wonder why I let my gaurd down time and time again.
I get the feeling now that I've done it this time, it will be a spectacular fuck up just like every other time. But I guess this is the first time in a long time I've felt something like this.

21 tomorrow

Blah very interesting. I honestly don't feel it.
I'm excited but in a way that could be described as the following:
"Well I SHOULD be feeling this but I don't, however it would be best if I pretended."
It's only a number.
BUT what I am excited about is seeing people who I love, having a good night of drinking, eating and catching up.
ALSO I hate people who have decided to not come last minutes.
This is you IF:

YOU rsvp'd to my birthday party and oh I don't know GAVE me your word, then OH wait - had a law commitment. Pfft stupid bitch.
Coming at 11 o'clock doesn't quite cut it. I'm sorry but I'm more fucking important than an Indian concert.
I'm ALSO more important than a LAW show, a LAW SHOW?

Jesus.

Anyway, I'm quite curious to see how many "I'm so sorry babez I told you I could cum but something has come upppp, have fun though !!!!"

Everyone says, don't worry about it because all your loved ones are there.
I know, but it does hurt that for ONE evening certain people can't commit to spending time with you when they said they could.
Bah!
Humbug I say.

I'm loving the cure at the moment. ALSO loving the idea of going underwear shopping last week.

What do I hate these days?

Oh I don't know -

maybe my bad luck with dating, like disgusting luck!
How disgusting?
first date, doesnt talk, doesnt interact, apologises via text then confesses love *hint, that wasn't me, it was the person I went on the date with* BARF

also I hate uni right now.
My japanese teacher is so obviously lonely it is painful to watch, she spoon feeds us and is very fake sometimes. The strain is entertaining.

I haven't done much homework at all. I have 4 assignments due next week and I havent started any. Meh.

I went driving with mother tonight, and she was irritating me so i drove on the wrong side of the road in our street for shits and giggles. I clearly don't recognise how dangerous driving can be. HENCE why I shouldn't be driving. She started asking me questions like "do you have something on your mind?" and I was thinking, lol if you want me to have the third consecutive breakdown before my birthday for three years running well no, it ain't happening this year.

The fence is up to block out the neighbours, but will anything change? nooooo of course not.
Diagnose the symptom not the problem, duh!

I think I'll definately be travelling to japan but I need to work out how much this shit is gonna cost me, yen started getting stronger again, boo, go back to recession Japan, just until I do my exchange.

ALSO i love that Rob is back, makes me happy and wet.
I feel like playing Wii.

Cya

PS HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

I can do whatever the hell I want

Well this weekend has been awesomely awesome! I had a great party on saturday night at which I got so fucked up it was excellent. It's the kind of party where you walk in, you know a few people - but everyone is totally chill and sitting next to anyone is easy an hour long conversation of trips to germany and "this is how i got that scar" and "look what I can do with my testicles"
It was great.
You'd also expect to turn around and see lady gaga in the corner snorting coke off some rickety old coffee table.
The music was great, dancing all round.

Last night I had a masquerade party which was in romsey in the country - but this guy, his parents bought the old bank on the main street and convrted it into a home - totally awesome! everyone was walking around with masks on, drinking in corners in this victorian style delight of a building. Old people, Young People - it was a great mix of class and un-class. I will say that I look positively fetching in my outfit, this token bathroom photo below demonstrates this:



Mm but then I got home right, thought i'd check my emails and all that jazz - as one does at 3am.
THEN upond logging onto msn, i had three people tell me to "Go to sleep! It's so late! why are you up?"
Um yes but excuse me - you people are up also.
One person said "Look I really wanna talk to you, but its just to late"
I didn't even start the conversation?
I just find it odd and actually quite insulting that these people who are CLEARLY not sleeping - are telling me I should sleep.
Well shut the fuck up, only my mum can tell me to go to sleep.

Oh well boo to all that.
Peace out.

PS brother of mine who is younger - DO NOT tell mum and dad that I did infact get fucked up at this party - let's stick to the "i only had 2 drinks from ecoli infected glass" story.

Oh hai yeah I see you

I often think about life, circumstance and how we feel. One thing I will always strongly believe is that for someone to be content they need to have purpose and some degree of routine.
Without it, life is maddening. It's a joke.
With uni starting again I feel the glorious technicolour return to normality, I feel my mood reaching new highs.

Also I have the perfect tram song everyone. It is Electricity by the Avalanches.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vI89J55wZj8

I also feel this will be the song in the final scenes of my story when a character waves goodbye to everyone before hopping onto a tram that dissapears into a mist. This is the character leaving the world in a really corny way, but for some reason I find it really poignent and emotional for me - in the context of this story anyway. Maybe sometimes I wish escaping for me were as easy as hopping on a tram that never came back like the character in my story.
Not because I actively want to escape but, I like that I could have that option there.
Just like in a video game when you can just go into another world with no hassles.

Time to shut my eyes