Glorious new years eve

So last night was a great new years eve.

Possibly the most fun I have had in a few years.

Nothing of course tops the first time sneaking out with Ni and Azza, but that's a golden memory.

Anyway so went to Tan's place and Vin and his house mates came, there were also two other girls.

It rained like a bitch getting to the club but it was fun running through the rain.

I felt that this rain was cleaning me of 2009 before I emerged for 2010 fresh.

2009 for me has been fine, but also it was quite stagnant for the first 6 months. I took alot of time thinking, I did alot of nothing. But you know what it's all part of the process.

Now I'm roaring.

So I got into the club, 30 mins before midnight and the music was good, there were lots of people but not too many. The others were room hopping and doing shots for a while and I decided not to drink so I just danced by myself sometimes. which was not bad, usually i'm really paranoid people will think im the guy who is dancing alot - but eh fuck the haters, I can dance by myself if I want to and you can all get fucked if you want to judge because I'm probably judging you right back.

Bad Romance was the first song I heard and danced to for 2010 and it was perfect. It was telling of my romantic experience so far - but I think change is coming.

I saw a mysterious stranger who caught my eye.

we smiled briefly and the night went on.

I saw people I knew and some surprises - a guy from a uni and one of my dad's co workers. We all had a good chat.

One of the things I'm working on about myself is the aura or impression I give off. I have been told many times that I give off an unapproachable, angry, upset aura. So I'm working on it.

Last night I smiled when people looked my way. I tried smiling with my eyes. I think it worked because I talked to more people than I had at a club in a long time. I'm also told I'm a nice person but then no one really knows what anyone is like until they meet them and talk. So I feel I need to give a better first impression.

The night continued and I danced and chatted with friends. It was good to be at a club with Jerome again because it reminded me of the thursdays from years ago. Good old dancing and chats.

I saw the plastics at this club. I pretty much only talk to Stephen because he's always been nice to me. But when I said a polite hello to the others, one of them gave me the "omg he's talking to me?" kind of look. And usually it would wreck my night. But I thought you know what? Fuck you, because you're all disgusting and you have no futures. I'm going places.

They're all tragic and so influenced by one and another. Ah well fuck those haters! I'm hotter than you all, and guess who I'm deleting off facebook after this post.

Anyway the climax of my night was when the mysterious stranger found me in the RnB room and came to me, we danced, grinded slowly and our faces came together, our lips barely touching and slightly pressing against one and other were still in amongst a room of people contorting awesomely. The brilliant new years kiss was finally mine and it was GLORIOUS!

Happy New Year!

Just a quick thing on food.

I just want to let you all know that I have also started a food blog.

www.meltabehodai.blogspot.com

Please read about my eating explorations if you like food.

I will still be updating this blog too when I'm all emo ha-ha-ha

Peace out lovers!

burned

Being away for a month couldn't have been better, but it couldn't have been worse.

The whole time I was away I was having the best time being free in a controlled situation.

Then a few days ago I got back and had this feeling.

Everything was the same, but not quite. Something seemed different.

I still can't work it out.

I was only gone for one month, I don't know what possibly could have changed.

I was on facebook before and it suggested I become a fan of

"I just spent all day with you, and I miss you already"

I wanted to cry so much but nothing really came out because its the same old situation.

So I re arranged my room and then put it back how it was, maybe i was trying to find something - make something new. But I realised midway - this was no refurbishment of my room, it was just changing around what I already had.

I wish that when I came back there was someone who missed me in particular, and someone who I could spend the day with and hug and tell all the stories of Japan.

Family & Friends go together and yes I can tell you all the stories.

But I want to be horizontal with someone and tell them those stories, someone who knows why I did what I did and laughs at my stupid antics and then I hear about this someone's adventures while I was gone.

and even though we had a lovely time seperately, we really missed eachother and look forward to those days in the future of just lazing around, silly arguments, days out, special moments.

I'm such a sook, but oh well aren't we all?

telling this to everyone is silly because what can anyone say?

"Don't worry the right person will come along"

"You just have to wait"

"It isn't your time"

"You just haven't met the right one"

"You need to put yourself out there"

I know I know, I've heard it all and I know that is how it logically goes.

BUT anyone in this situation knows how I feel.

When you get the feeling of loneliness it hangs around you for a while, and while it is with you, it is not a nice feeling.